the one & only hello, NAME is me. There are many things that i want to do, despite saying that i will do them after A's, i wonder if i will. teleport chaiyue jolene xavier Daniel michelle cheryl jialing audrey peiwen kevin edison vanessa jovian samantha xueting anne nicholas cass felicia peiqi natalie chaneline elizabeth randy dingyuan elvyn justin CJ alica eirene vivien rishi joanne anabelle leexian darren shijie andrew iqbal joseph bernice ryan kaichuen jocelyn liselle milu arthur ngeederk guanwen marie james roderick menghwee inghian aggie Benji NgeeDerk deborah katrina chengcheng maurice sherrie philip donna qinghuang belmont jiahong zhiyun charlene RCIY Mr Praetorai christus dominus choir TWILIGHT online links take a bow designer:upand-down[c] icon:photobucket whisper

Friday, April 25, 2008 paiseh, i kope this- Choosing not to experience love is different from being unable to experience love. its worlds apart. i know i've pretty much chosen the former lifestyle, albeit some wavering these few days, but i'm beginning to suspect i suffer from the latter as well. and that's sad. I usually discipline myself quite well. no dreaming about being with anyone. But now, even if i let cut myself some slack, and let my thoughts run wild; imagine what a world it would be with her. all i get is images of negativity, a dark future i feel, and my heart hurts. just looked at her picture, and immediately that sour feeling ripples across my heart. i dont get that lovey dovey feeling of potential happiness anymore. i seem to be unable to love with my heart and enjoy being loved. somehow, i get that feeling that i just lost it. honestly, i'd guess it'd be safe to say i've never experienced REAL love before. maybe thats an explanation to what i feel now. i just feel the hurt from past relationships, but dont remember the feeling of love, simply because it did not exist in its pure form. i suspect so. maybe i need to go in search of real love, so as to break what i am feeling now. then again, i could just chuck this whole love thing aside and live a wild and crazy life. that could work too. guess this is pretty close. as of now, i'm not suppose to think or any other thing other than striving hard to do well. its so hard to keep up, i am afraid i've no more stamina left soon. maybe, its a wrong move :( a call for a greater nudge/punch.